Satire by The BeavertonšŸ«„


“DeepBean’s new beans only require a third of the water that American beans need to not grow into anything of value,” an analyst said. “Any serious investor or cow owner would do well to give DeepBean a look.”

American magic bean companies like Beanco, The Boston Bean Company, and Nvidia have already shed hundreds of billions of dollars in stock value as investors contemplate getting their magic beans from overseas.

“Society can’t advance without magic beans to grow into bizarre and ultimately worthless simulacrums of real beanstalks,” one investor said. “If we’re only wasting moderate amounts of water on them instead of massive amounts, that’s a plus.”

While some experts believe a Western bean bubble is now bursting, others see this as a sign to recommit and prevent a disastrous bean gap.



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